Bill the dog rowing at sunrise

“Uncle Dave. Bill here. Bill the dog.” Wow Bill, you’re up early this morning! Are you out on a fun adventure? Wait....are you rolling your eyes? “Seriously Uncle Dave? Do I look like I’m having fun? Rowing? At sunrise? I swear, sometimes I think my father wishes he had a slobbering Labrador Retriever to do stupid butch stuff with - newsflash Dad! I’m a POOOODLE! We sleep. We read literature. We nibble on croissants in sidewalk cafes and judge people. We do not get up at sunrise to row a god damn boat. The worst part Uncle Dave? No internet. I haven’t been on for weeks.” A little break from humping will do you good Bill...besides, for what it’s worth when I went on family vacations, there was no internet. My sister and I shared one Etch-a-Sketch and one View Finder in the back seat of a car...a car without air conditioning or seatbelts. “Oh Sweet Jesus Uncle Dave...that is a sad story. Now go bore somebody else with it..I’ve got a boat to row.” #billthedog#poodlesofinstagram


“Greetings Uncle Dave! It’s me. Bill. Bill the dog. And my mum and dad. We’re sailing this week. My ear is all better. Miss you a whole bunch, can’t wait to tell ya all about it. Mom and Dad say Hi! But just one more thing Uncle Dave - maybe you could frame this pic of me and put it next to Gus’ food bowl?” Sure Bill. That’s thoughtful of you. I think.

“And then tell Gus to go fuck himself.” .Oh Bill!


“Oh hi Uncle Dave, it’s me. Bill. Bill the dog?.....ummm.......sorry to bother you so late.....but my mum and dad will be leaving really early Monday morning to take my sis to college. We were wondering if maybe you could come over and play with me? Or I could come over to your place and do all that paperwork filing - like last time? By the way, I never did get that paycheck you promised.”

Right. Sorry ‘bout that Bill - I think HR department is still waiting for your proof-of-citizenship info? Anyway. I’ll be over bright and early Monday with bagels.

“Uncle Dave. Don’t be ridiculous. Croissants for Bill le chien.”

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