“Uncle Dave. Bill here. Bill the dog.” Wow Bill, you’re up early this morning! Are you out on a fun adventure? Wait....are you rolling your eyes? “Seriously Uncle Dave? Do I look like I’m having fun? Rowing? At sunrise? I swear, sometimes I think my father wishes he had a slobbering Labrador Retriever to do stupid butch stuff with - newsflash Dad! I’m a POOOODLE! We sleep. We read literature. We nibble on croissants in sidewalk cafes and judge people. We do not get up at sunrise to row a god damn boat. The worst part Uncle Dave? No internet. I haven’t been on humper.com for weeks.” A little break from humping will do you good Bill...besides, for what it’s worth when I went on family vacations, there was no internet. My sister and I shared one Etch-a-Sketch and one View Finder in the back seat of a car...a car without air conditioning or seatbelts. “Oh Sweet Jesus Uncle Dave...that is a sad story. Now go bore somebody else with it..I’ve got a boat to row.” #billthedog#poodlesofinstagram
“Greetings Uncle Dave! It’s me. Bill. Bill the dog. And my mum and dad. We’re sailing this week. My ear is all better. Miss you a whole bunch, can’t wait to tell ya all about it. Mom and Dad say Hi! But just one more thing Uncle Dave - maybe you could frame this pic of me and put it next to Gus’ food bowl?” Sure Bill. That’s thoughtful of you. I think.
“And then tell Gus to go fuck himself.” .Oh Bill!